Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
