I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
