i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
