we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
