I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
