wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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