I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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