Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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