I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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