i just wanna soil my oats bro
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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