Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
