he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
