Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
