Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
