My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
