If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
