Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
