I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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