And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
