she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
