So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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