Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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