i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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