i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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