It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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