I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
