i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
