there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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