just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
