I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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