so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
