my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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