went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
