I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
