Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
