Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
