I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
