you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
