I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
