He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is