life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
