I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
