No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
