Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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