I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
