suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
