you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.