From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it