Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
