Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

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  (207): I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid. http://tfl.nu/67sh
  Replies (15) Good night (6781) Bad night (694)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?

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  (813): you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you? http://tfl.nu/35zi
  Replies (12) Good night (2875) Bad night (987)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  one word: firstdatebathroomanal

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  (404): one word: firstdatebathroomanal http://tfl.nu/h4q1
  Replies (24) Good night (4786) Bad night (1357)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete

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  (919): I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete http://tfl.nu/qit9
  Replies (18) Good night (3910) Bad night (533)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?

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  (336): She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous? http://tfl.nu/rvj0
  Replies (119) Good night (1024) Bad night (5324)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?

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  (612): Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong? http://tfl.nu/gz8r
  Replies (44) Good night (1565) Bad night (4788)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way

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  (616): you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way http://tfl.nu/p3hb
  Replies (19) Good night (763) Bad night (6612)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.

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  (805): I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now. http://tfl.nu/p09l
  Replies (6) Good night (4336) Bad night (1369)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.

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  (704): the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond. http://tfl.nu/ueo3
  Replies (7) Good night (2215) Bad night (963)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work

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  (412): also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work http://tfl.nu/czp1
  Replies (6) Good night (1111) Bad night (441)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!

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  (517): No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf (615): Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?! http://tfl.nu/9d33
  Replies (9) Good night (717) Bad night (1851)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"

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  (+44): He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis" http://tfl.nu/c89r
  Replies (4) Good night (399) Bad night (1066)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs

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  (905): He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs http://tfl.nu/gppx
  Replies (4) Good night (525) Bad night (283)
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  (347): View more from New York

  in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!

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  (347): in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg! http://tfl.nu/xub1
  Replies (1) Good night (488) Bad night (300)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.

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  (716): I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/a3ri
  Replies (1) Good night (482) Bad night (222)

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