i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.