Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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