did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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