you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
