he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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