you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize