Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
