I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
