you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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