That's when you crack a 10am beer
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
