Too much gin, very little bucket
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
