White coat. Heels.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
