tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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