I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
