she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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