I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
