i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
