I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
