I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
