i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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