he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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