I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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