just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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