I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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