He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
