My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
