my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
