How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
