i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
